I think this has been done to death on every other website, but this year has been about as fun as you’d expect. Winnie the Pooh causes deaths on the level of 9/11 every single day, and doesn’t even apologise for it. That’s like dropping your friends, mom’s ashes, and offering to buy some dentures as a replacement. What does any of this political stuff have to do with a website that focuses on entertainment, you might ask, to which I respond, a fair bit, and I’ll explain why.
Star Wars Shoots First
Things were looking rather grim right out of the gates with the fallout from Rise of Skywalker lasting into early January like a particularly lingering fart. I continue to believe that the poor performance of Star Wars is what should have tipped us off to the poor performance of the year.
Phineas and Flub
Phineas and Ferb’s creators made the announcement that another movie was coming out, and I don’t know why that was seen as an amazing thing because they had already been working on a series. This, to me at least, felt like they had either run out of ideas for Milo Murphy’s Law, or were forced to crank out another Phineas and Ferb for the Disney overlords. This suspicion was later proved true when I discovered that Milo Murphy’s Law had not been renewed for another season, and was currently in limbo.
Not Very Nice
Then, the second Borat was announced, and it had a massive marketing campaign. And that made me immediately nervous. If you don’t know anything about the entertainment industry, I’ll give you a little insight. A big marketing push generally means that the producers suspect that it’s shit, and they want to get as many sales on opening weekend as they can before word of mouth tanks the sales. Borat was promoted by the Kazakh tourism board, and to the surprise of no one, it was absolute shit.
Did anyone watch the Bill and Ted sequel that came out? It tried to slip past in September, which was the sign that the producers had absolutely zero faith in what they were releasing. It was resoundingly average, about the only notable thing about it is that it was so unknown to the general public, considering how beloved the property is, and how much the internet loves Keanu Reeves.
Mulan Mess Up
Disney hacked out that remake of Mulan with less personality, nuance, and general quality. It had dodgy editing, they filmed it in Xinjiang, which opens up a nightmare of politics that I don’t talk about on this particular website. They cut beloved characters, and added a whole bunch of unwanted new ones. Not to mention they cut the songs, and then mocked us with teases of them at the end. What more needs to be said about this nightmarishly long dumpster fire.
Star Wars Strikes Back
Then there was the news that Disney will be making ten new Star Wars series. I don’t know about you, but this smells of mollification to me, a sort of “Here’s something to distract you from the fact that we buggered up your franchise even more.” Not that I’m complaining, there’s enough variety of genres announced that every Star Wars fan should be somewhat satisfied. And it’s good to see Disney taking risks again.
A Year to Forget
So as you can see it wasn’t a good year for anybody. Even the entertainment industry. An industry which is usually bulletproof when it comes to recessions, was churning out garbage on a depressing scale. Screw up trilogies, silent sequels and communist China constantly popping up were the main themes of the year, and I hope that a better 2021 is in store for us all.