What A.I. is NOT Going to do For You

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Their future has already arrived, and its name is A.I. We have Roomba and Alexa and all sorts of gadgets and programs that know how to perform specific functions. Not only that, but they can learn to do their functions better. And learn new functions. All without major input from human beings.

Have no fear. A.I. is here

There are some things Artificial Intelligence will never be able to do. Some people are afraid that A.I. will make things worse, not better. Such people are called Luddites or reactionaries, or dinosaurs. But whatever you want to call them, there’s no fear. 

Such as:

Tie your shoelaces. A neatly spliced shoelace on a highly polished wingtip is comfort food for the eyes. And since shoelaces seem to always have a mind of their own, no mechanical program will ever be able to get that neat little bow just right. The fact that humans invented velcro to take the place of shoelaces proves that it is an art form. Taking years to master. In fact, on many busy metropolitan street corners, you can still find the knot-tiers stall. It’s where the artisan will tie them for a five-dollar fee. These service workers will never lose their livelihood.

Also

Also, A.I. will never be able to come up with good excuses to get you out of being late for work. Or why your college essay is not on time. Or why you were speeding in the hospital zone. For that, only the cunning human brain’s brilliant waywardness can pull the wool over the eyes. Of teachers, cops, or bosses

Finally

And finally, no artificial intelligence can give us an intentional laugh. As an example, here’s an oldie but goodie –

I eat my peas with honey.

I’ve done it all my life.

It makes the peas taste funny.

But it keeps them on my knife.

Here’s what it reads like after A.I. gets through with it: 

I take honey with my peas.

I’ve always engaged in it.

The peas taste odd as a result.

They continue to use my knives, nevertheless.

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